When the Cavalry Isn't Coming

Remember that recent story when three fisherman, stranded on a tiny, uninhabited island in the Pacific, spelled out “H E L P” with palm fronds…and then just waited for a week? And then a US Coast Guard HC-130J found them because of that smart move?

Yeah, if you and I do that in the back yard behind your home office, we’re more likely to get turned into the HOA than to see the calvary coming to rescue us.

I think of that whenever I’m at an NFL game and there’s a military flyover right as the National Anthem ends. (The louder planes are best because they’re more likely to drown out whoever is trying to destroy the national anthem that day, live on TV.)

I’ve pictured myself on a battlefield, having just called in the aerial support crew while I’m under enemy fire. Can you imagine seeing A10 Warthogs or AH-64 Apaches coming over the horizon, low and loud as heck. What a welcome sight.

Yeah, they aren’t coming either.

The Messes

Sometimes the difficult times come to an entire industry and sometimes they come to a small subset of firms. It might be just bad luck, like you were in tourism and travel and a pandemic hit. It might be from some pretty bad judgement, like what I see many firms doing now, which is holding onto staff because they want to be ready to go when the pipeline starts flowing again. It might just be what someone else did to you, like a bad account manager or client.

None of us are immune to the occasional darker time when all we feel like doing is spelling out H-E-L-P in the back yard, sit down on the grass, hold our legs close to our chest, and just wait. I remember several of those in my own agency life. During one particularly dark time I borrowed $340k. If that’s not bad enough, I borrowed it from my father-in-law. He wasn’t rich, either, and if we hadn’t paid that off, it would have been ugly.

The Suggestions

I’d like to make a few suggestions about what to do after you spread the palm fronds out. When you’re feeling totally trapped and a bit frozen. These are in no particular order.

• It’s a great time to start some therapy or coaching, depending on the sort of person you are and what connections you have. Leaders do not have the luxury of putting a big ol’ pause on their leadership while sorting things out. An outside perspective will help you stay calibrated.
• Talk with other experienced principals of firms like yours. Favor the ones who have been around awhile and have been transparent with you about their own wins and losses. This is particularly important if you don’t have a significant partner to talk to, and you really shouldn’t talk about some of this with the team (see below).
• Use the anger and frustration to finally be honest about some truths that you’ve pushed down in the past because you didn’t have to face them. Now you should face them. Don’t let this crisis go to waste. I’m talking about clients, team members, service offerings, fixed regular meetings, and anything that makes up the daily flywheel of your life. Kind of start over. When someone you love says hurtful things to you out of anger, realize that at least the truth popped out. The same is true for tense challenges you’re facing: it’s easier to be honest about what’s not working.
• Quit trying to get that one big decision exactly right and instead try to make lots of smaller decisions that are easily correctable, and keep you moving forward. Your job is to make decisions, not to make all the right decisions.
• Face the worst that could happen. And I really mean face it, head on. It might be losing your firm, disappointing a lot of people, and having a significant mess to clean up. It’s probably not nearly that dire, of course, but face whatever the worst is. Now ask yourself: “Could I face that? Will I be okay?” The answer is a resounding yes, so quit worrying about it and get to work avoiding it. But it won’t be the end of the world if you aren’t successful.
• Be really grateful for all the things that you have, and be intentional about it. It could be health, family, friends, co-workers, food, shelter, etc.

Those are the things I’d focus on.

The Warnings

And here are the things I’d try really hard to avoid as you work through the challenges.

• Don’t borrow a bunch of money. It just temporarily numbs the pain and gives you yet more time to ignore what you should be facing. There are a few exceptions to that, but most of the arguments for debt are carefully crafted by the people who make a living selling debt to you. Debt is a product, and it’s not always in your best interest to buy it. The people selling it to you don’t give a shit about you or your firm, so think very carefully about what difficult decisions debt is helping you avoid.
• Don’t share everything with your team.Everything you tell them should be true, but you aren’t obligated to tell them everything that is true. It’s an especially bad practice to opt for “open book management” only when things are tough. Any information you do share should be wrapped in a confident plan that assures the team that you are leading.
• Don’t do stupid shit, either, like having an affair, gambling, drinking heavily, and so on. Go to bed each night knowing that you stared reality in the face, used your best judgment to make appropriate decisions, and kept doing the right things. People are watching you.

The cavalry isn’t coming, but things usually aren’t as bad (or as good!) as they seem. Hang in there if you’re in a bad place and keep leading.